Every night for the past few weeks, I find myself in the same full-blown feelings of angst. Throwing down the television remote I’ve been holding aimlessly for the past three hours, I jolt as if electrocuted and wonder aloud what exactly am I doing for my life. At the same time, I also punch the sofa and let my feet flail for a few seconds while feelings wash over me.
Guilt says, “I can’t believe another night just passed like this. Again.”
Shame pipes up, “Is this who you want to be?”
Ennui (a new friend that I learnt of from Inside Out 2) adds on, “Uuuurghh”.
These moments typically last for a few minutes before bedtime (a respectable ten-thirty p.m.). As I turn the covers and get into bed muttering “I must do better”, my heavy eyes shut out the world completely.
As a practicing clinical psychologist, I knew what the problem was. I wasn’t moving enough, was getting too stressed at work, wasn’t taking enough breaks from work, and was not reflecting on my needs. The thing is, it’s easy enough to plan to connect or exercise more frequently. Unfortunately at the same time, when I finish a hard day at work, I strongly believe that I deserve that couch time and to zone out in front of my television to a replay of The Legend of Zhen Huan.
So when I picked up this sun-shiney blue and yellow book titled “The Happiness Project” at a random bookstore in Bangkok, I was merely expecting to read about a feel-good experience. I certainly wasn’t bracing myself to re-examine my life and dive into some good old happiness.
Before that, a view of happiness from 3 parts that make me whole. The Christian child of God, the inner critic snob, and the working clinical psychologist.
#1 Christian View Of Happiness
Christians do not really talk about happiness. Instead, an intentional focus is on joy. It is the internal manifestation of a deep sense of contentment that cannot be purchased or engineered.
In Romans Chapter 15 verse 13, it is written that “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” God is the source of all joy.
In John chapter 15 verse 11 it says that “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” Jesus gives us the full and complete joy that precedes the superficial sense of happiness.
#2 Inner Critic View Of Happiness
The inner snob in me scoffs at the term happiness. “Really?” The British inner critic in me places her shades to rest on her thick brown fringe and pushed her cup of tea aside. “Let me see what is the big deal about this ‘happiness’”.
Isn’t that typical of us? Gretchen points out in her book that cynical people are often perceived to be smarter, but we know better. The cynic in me is happy to read studies showing that kind and trusting people often perform better cognitively compared to cynics. Does it support happiness then?
#3 Clinical Psychologist View Of Happiness
The working clinical psychologist is against the idea of chasing happiness too. In my work I frequently educate patients about the dangers of changing happiness, the single “positive” feeling in a myriad of other feelings. A simple activity I make them do is to list down all the feelings they can think of out loud. You can try it out too – start with “happy, angry…”.
Now this is a likely list you may come up with:
- Happy
- Angry
- Sad
- Scared
- Disappointed
- Empty
- Worried
- Tired
- Ashamed
- Insecure
- Excited
- Peaceful
- Confused
How many out of these feelings were “positive”?
In the life that is a roller-coaster, all feelings are included. They exist as an indicator of how your body is doing (happiness = do more of it; sadness = needing comfort; anger = set boundaries). It is impossible to live life that is purely about “positive” feelings, namely happiness. When you try to live a life devoid of “negative” feelings, it means that you cut off all ties with the comprehensive manual to “All Things You” that you were born with.
My Plan For The Christian Happiness Project
It’s my birthday month in September. Hence, the perfect time to start working on a year-long Christian Happiness Project.
- SEPTEMBER: Energy
- OCTOBER: Contemplate The Heavens
- NOVEMBER: Passion
- DECEMBER: Make Time For People
- JANUARY: Buy Some Happiness
- FEBRUARY: Remember Love
- MARCH: Aim Higher
- APRIL: Lighten Up
- MAY: Be Serious About Play
- JUNE: Pay Attention
- JULY: Gratitude and Contentment
- AUGUST: Boot Camp Perfect
I did not make much changes to Gretchen’s year-long monthly themes, but switched some around with the focus of making it Christ-centred.
The plan is to write here (or on Threads) about my adventures on this journey. Looking forward to it!